Please watch Gerianne's vlog here, listen to the audio or enjoy the text below it.
Hey fellow travelers. I bring you this post as a sharing and in hopes that perhaps somebody could relate to it or glean something from it. I wanted, again, to read it in case some of you would rather close your eyes and just listen to it instead of reading. Here it goes. The title is Stepping Into My Power, My Peace. By the way, this experience happened to me yesterday.
Today, after almost three years of retraining during meditation, my wild ride stopped. Oh, it wasn't my ride that stopped. It was the one I was put on as a child and have been on ever since, the only ride I've ever known. Let me explain, or maybe I don't need to. That out of control feeling, that sense of overwhelm, the feeling that life is too hard, unfair, so difficult, trouble getting a solid footing, yep, that ride. In my mind, in my cells, and, yes, I am tapped into the experience viscerally, it felt like an out-of-control carnival ride.
Now stillness. Choice.
These were before me. As I stood at the edge of the ride looking at the solid ground below, I could feel the stillness deeply in my body. I felt so different. It was a sudden palpable change. My body was letting go. It felt safe to. The ride had stopped. I now felt the choice. Do I get off onto solid ground, letting go of all I've become accustomed to? Oh, my arms, my body. Oh, how they ache from holding on. My teeth, my jaw, everything is so tense, but holding on kept me safe, didn't it? Yes, it did. But life doesn't have to be this.
I can choose my ride or choose not to ride. Maybe this fast paced crazy ride isn't for me. Perhaps, like a carnival, life presents many paths, many rides, many choices, and I have the power to choose my path. I've come to a deep layer of recovery. Now I understand. I don't resonate with the ride I'm on. It wasn't my authentic choice. My childhood molded me and I chose this ride from a place of fear. It is not the ride I was meant to be on.
Is it really safe to step off the ride? To let go?
I'm feeling fear. This ride is all I know.
If I step off, I'm alone. Can I do this? Holding on, at least I have the solid ride pole to hold. Stepping off, I have nothing. Wait, that's not true. I have me, my toolkit, my learnings, my knowledge, my wise loving self. I have so much more than I've ever had. I need to find my brave. I know this is my future, my right-hand path, the way my life was meant to be.
I can do this. I can choose the life that's right for me. Thanks for listening.
I was diagnosed with ME/CFS and a variety of other acronyms at 32 years old, amidst a budding career in Physical Therapy and an active life as a triathlete and volleyballer. After healing to 70% several times over a 20 year period only to relapse, yo-yo style, severe anxiety hit and left me homebound for 2 years. I found the Gupta Program at 54, and I believe it to be the missing link in my recovery. With God as my navigator and the tools of the GP in hand, I am happily journeying to 100% health, experiencing radical changes in my physical, emotional and spiritual life. I am now a volunteer for the Gupta forum because I want to give something back to those who are guiding me to such a rich and wonderful life experience. I also want to share more deeply with others who have committed to this valuable work.
I live in the beautiful countryside of upstate NY with my partner, daughter, and 3 cats. I enjoy birding and music, and the process of discovering my life purpose.